i met up with him and passed the t-shirt to him and casually asked if he would wear it. to my surprise, he told me that he cannot tell his wife that he received the t-shirt as a gift, he will lie that he asked his friend to help him buy it.
i was puzzled at his response. it was just a very ordinary t-shirt and to me, its quite normal that your friends travel overseas and buy some souvenirs... his reply was his wife would be paranoid and will ask many questions...
actually i was quite saddened at his reply. he had been married for just three years. i remembered there was once when i asked if he could choose all over again..will he choose to be married or single, his reply was 'single'. he felt tied down, tired of reassuring his insecure wife, controlled as his wife would question all his spendings, poor from paying for the household..etc.
i was saddened at his reply not because he made a decision that he regretted but because i can imagine how his wife feels. i used to be exactly that kind of girl too. i used to question my exes a lot, feel very insecure - actually the more he lies, the more i want to find out and the more irritated he feels and the more he will lie and this slowly became communication breakdown..
and lies are covered by more lies and so..the whole relationship will breakdown.
i dunno if its because of age or because i have seen more and gained more experience in life or i am able to see better from a third person's point of view, i see so much of myself in others and i am glad that i will never behave like that again.
sometimes i feel like sharing my old stories with this friend of mine, but it still hurts a lot to talk about it. its like a dilemma..on one side, i really dun wish to see anything happen to his marriage and on the other side, i dun wish to talk about the past..
but i think i probably will share..one day when i am ready.. hopefully it will help.
these are just simple things in life, but once it accumulates, it could change your life forever.
the law of attraction
this has got nothing to do with love.recently i borrowed this book called '
The Secret' from my colleague prakash and it kinda changed my thinking and mentality towards some things in life.
'The Secret' has been on the bestselling chart for months and had been translated into many languages to benefit millions of people who bothered to read it all around the world. For my friends who do not like to read, i'll write a short explanation on how i interpreted this book.
What is the Secret? The secret is actually not something new, its just simply 'the law of attraction' - how positive thoughts will attract positive things in life, and how negative thoughts will make negative things happen to you too.
Heaven will always give you what you want and how you attain it will be how your mind convey your wishes to heaven.
1. Your mind will always only register the key words in your mind ~ take for example, you may be going to the hairdresser and thinking 'I do not want a bad haircut' and for god knows why 'You will have a bad haircut' because your mind only registers 'bad haircut'!
Do you often wish that something doesnt happens to you and almost always it does? When i was in school, i always wish that my teacher wouldnt call me to ans questions and she almost ALWAYS calls upon me! Thats how it works, you must always wish for good things ~ wish and believe that it will happen and it will.
2. Believe in it. You cannot be wishing for a promotion and yet thinking 'cannot be me one la, how can i be so lucky...aiya..' then it will not be you. Because heaven would think that you yourself didnt want it. Whatever you wish for, you must always believe and imagine that it will happen to you.
3. Sometimes your wishes may be delayed because heaven gives u some time to think about it again. I guess everyone goes through the phase where you badly want something....but after a while, you may not want it anymore. In my previous relationship, i went through a bad state of denial and i really wanted the relationship back... but when i thought about it now, i'm glad that we didnt got back together because it would be even more miserable for me. So when things do not happen, do not blame it on anyone else. Instead, always focus on the positive thoughts and maybe after a while, the answers would be clearer to you on why some things happen and some things dont. It may really be for your own good.
4. Always be positive and focused. Have you noticed that positive people will attract happy friends and vibes? i have a colleague at work who is always in a 'i am very sian...everything very stupid..mode' and i really dun like to work with him. his answer to questions is always 'no' and he is 'always very sian', 'no mood to work'.. until i dun even like to talk to him. i think no one will ever like to be with depressed or moody people for long periods of time. So change your thinking, be positive, smile, learn to appreciate nature..admire the flowers on your way to work, smile at the bus driver.. thats what i do each morning i go to work. How you start your day will half determine how the rest of your day will be - so why not start on a positive note.
5. Always have happy thoughts on hand. Think of 5 happy things - it can be your favourite song, your favourite person, a funny incident, a funny movie you've watched, your pet..something that will bring a smile immediately to your face. Whenever you have any unhappy thoughts, switch to these thoughts immediately! Do not allow bad/unhappy thoughts to stay too long because it will just create negative vibes and affect yourself and the people around you.
All these are just short excerpts frm the book that i thought would be useful and easy to practice. I know its not easy to be happy everyday. There is too much expectations and stress all around us that its really not easy to please and make everyone happy. But the least we can do is to create the happiness ourselves instead of waiting for others to give us the happiness, we can take the initiative the spread the happiness instead. Just hope that this post will leave a positive impact on people who reads it.
Always remember that no one owes you a living, you can face everyone with a 'you owe me a million bucks face' and people can choose not to give a damn abt it. You have a choice what kind of face you want to show people everyday and what kind of impact you want to create in people's lives. At the end of the day, this is a free world.
posted @ 11:01 PM
Saturday, April 11, 2009
my grandfather (unknown - 1972) & my grandmother
i have never seen my grandfather in real life.
he passed away in his middle age due to heart attack (i think).
my only memories of him were some vague stories told by my mom whom he doted on dearly - which resulted her having the 'i am princess' syndrome (later on became 'i am empress dowager' syndrome) at an early age. As this is even more prevalent in our society nowadays, it is indeed worrying that there will be even more people with 'i am princess/empress dowager/emperor syndrome'. haiz!
but there was conclusive evidence that he was a traditional teochew man and a strict disciplinarian.
- womanfolk have to stay home look after children and do housework
- cannot talk during mealtimes -> if not u will kena knock on your head
- woman cannot stay out overnight blah blah...
we do not even have photographs of my grandfather because the family was poor and couldnt afford a camera until the later years. so i only can only envision his height and built from the photo on his tomb which we visit every year during Qing Ming.
we will visit him every year during the Qing Ming festival where we will bring our favourite food to pay our respects. We usually have a lot of fun as its like a family gathering and we make merry around the tomb. This year we saw a large signage erected in front of the cemetery area - they are exhuming the graves soon by end of this year. my grandfather will be shifting to a temple at old tampines road where my grandmother have bought two places side by side so that they can be together in heaven.
the exhumation notice
my second aunt entertaining my grandfather by singing teochew oldies for him..
recently, my grandmother has been acting weird and it makes us worried and sad. my grandmother is 93 years old this year. she is also born in the year of the snake (like me) and is 60 years my senior. my grandmother dotes on me as i'm her eldest grandchild. i can always remember how she protects me from my mother's caning and giving in to all my whims when i was young. the cousins love to stay over in the weekends and we will eat instant noodles for supper and listen to all her stories about the sea spirits and the 2nd world war. now, my grandmother's hearing is failing, we often have to shout rather loudly for her to hear us and her health had also deteriorated throughout the years and although she is still active - washing and cooking etc, but it pains us to see her wobble when she gets her regular giddy spells.
few weeks ago, she started to talk about dying. she told us that she will leave us in June to be with my grandfather. she asked my aunt and my mom to prepare her new clothes for her...
as buddhist, we all know that this is life. Everyone will eventually leave one day. Moreover for my grandmother, she had been all alone since my grandfather left her more than 30 years ago. It must have been lonely and difficult for her - there was no one to share the joys and no one to share the burden. we all know that we are already so fortunate to have her with us for the past 30+ years and we shouldnt be too selfish to insist that she still carry on living with her frail body, doing housework, worrying about us, not able to enjoy holidays anymore due to failing health..etc... but it will be difficult, if that day ever comes.
posted @ 3:16 PM
Sunday, April 5, 2009
a slow painful death
i had an uneventful day yesterday. i was supposed to watch the new jackie chan movie 'shinjuku incident' with my friends and we had already bought tickets. and so after a drink at TCC bugis, we crossed the road towards the new shopping mall for the movie. while crossing the road, a kitten also tried to cross another part of the road at the same time and got hit by a car. luckily my friend was alert enough to dash towards the kitten to carry her to the side of the road before it gets hit again by other moving vehicles. unfortunately, the kitten could no longer move its hind legs. she crawled pitifully while groaning and crying :( using its front legs.. we managed to find a box for her and i called spca.
i know spca's policy is they will put the kitten to sleep, but we thought it was the best solution for her. and so we waited for spca to come... at first the kitten was still quite active in the box..whimpering, moving around, struggling..then i thought she fell asleep, but by the time spca came abt 15 mins later, the kitten had already died. :(
i whispered a short prayer and prayed that she can RIP and be reincarnated into a better being.
it was indeed v sad to see life slip away. i've had other pets such as my bird chiyo, my 2 tortoises, my rabbits..passed away before but not before my very own eyes so it was particularly painful.
even though i had only spent a short half hour with the kitten, i could see from my very own eyes her relentless fighting spirit.
i wonder if the driver knew that he had knocked down a tiny kitten. and whether he will be pricked by his conscience. i really wish everyone could drive safely and be more considerate for others. all living things, big or small deserves a chance to live.
RIP kitten
posted @ 10:13 AM
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
i am not perfect
i am not perfect although i try to be nice to people who are nice to melike all normal people, i do have a temper although i do try to curb it, i still do have a limit and will explode when i reach my limit.
i am straightforward and honest. if i like you, i will help you in every way that i can and be a true friend. but if i don't like you, i also will not be fake and pretend that i do.
i am normally quite harmless. i will just ventilate and grumble to my friends but i will never use underhand tactics on people i dislike. i have to answer to my conscience.
i am not perfect.
sometimes i will be in a bad mood though i will still be nice to people around me because they dun owe me anything.
sometimes i will get pissed
sometimes i will throw temper
sometimes i will lose my patience
sometimes i have evil thoughts
sometimes i do utter profanities, i say it a lot in my heart or i will type it out in my blog (u just feel so gd after some ventilation you know).
i also have feelings
sometimes i feel sad
sometimes i feel betrayed
sometimes i feel disappointed
But that's just me. You get me at face value.
And i dun normally get pissed easily, unless u are really really too much.
and who says a vegetarian has to be kind, nice, saintly, healthy...
actually i dun understand why people always associate vegetarianism with that.
Vegetarian is really..just a diet where u dun eat meat. Its not character-related at all.
posted @ 9:12 PM
Monday, February 2, 2009
如果有一天
如果有一天你走了，我不会为你掉一滴眼泪因为我永远都不会忘记
你在我小时候如何对我
你如何不公平
你如何觉的我多么丢你的脸
你如何伤我的心
你的所做所为我永远都不会忘记
感谢你的教诲， 我时时刻刻都会警惕自己不可以这样对另一个人
如果有一天我不告而别
那是因为我真的忍不下去了
反正你也曾说过你有他们两个不会丢你的脸的人就够了
感谢你让我听了这句话
它让我走的无怨无悔 让我走得毫无牵挂
posted @ 10:12 PM
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
where is mac donalds?!!!
Hey fortune teller,
Where is the guy in red or yellow that you say i will meet in Dec 2008?
Today is already 31st Dec and i have not even seen anyone like that lei!!!
Give me $90 back lei!
posted @ 9:34 PM
someone who loves to eat tofu,