i will always remember it because it was the first time he didnt celebrate my birthday with me after celebrating it for 9 consecutive years.

but well, nothing is eternal in this world right?

today is 1 dec 2008. my birthday is coming soon in 22 days! yippee! i would have one year less of suffering in this world (hey, i'm actually pretty positive about this) and for the first time, i am actually nt depressed that i am growing older. in fact, i am looking forward so much. perhaps my goal has somewhat evolved into buying my own place and getting my babies back asap. i really cant wait, i wish i can be 35 tomorrow. I used to be afraid of getting old, afraid of loneliness, afraid of the dark, afraid of being left on the shelf, afraid that i couldnt have children. perhaps its due to age, or maybe i am just weary, just tired. or maybe i hv seen too much, experienced too much that my mindset has totally changed. the image of a fairytale wedding, a perfect husband, the perfect ending has being erased and replaced with me living in a very cosy old european decorated 3 room apartment with my westy, hiro and a lovely brown poodle named teddy.  i will really be contented with that and will die in peace with my eyes closed. it is a goal that is so near and yet so far :(

anyway in 22 days time, i will be officially 4 years away from that goal!!! (pls congratulate me!)

I will surely work as hard as i can in the hope that the 4 years can be brought forward soon!

Heaven, u must continue to bless me okay :D